GETTING MARRIED TO MAKE YOU HAPPY?

A description of the book:

Getting married to make you happy? Probably not. Getting married is to help you and your marriage partner understand what a marriage is all about.

A marriage is a process of "two becoming one." It involves many changes and challenges, which the couple have to confront, adapt and cope with. Life is changing every moment, and so is a marriage. You have to change yourself as well as your marriage partner in order to make your marriage happy and lasting. One of the reasons why many marriages do not last is that there is "no accountability" in the marriages, and the couples are living in fancy and fantasy, instead of in reality.

This book shows you with real everyday examples of real people who have no accountability in their careers, money, relationships, sex and intimacy. Get the wisdom to survive and thrive in your marriage.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A sample from the book:

Meaning of “Love”

 

“Love” is a big word in all human civilizations. For all religious disparities, love still plays an essential role in all the world’s religions. Love plays an important role in human lives, especially living in a world of conflicts and aggressions.

 

What’s the real meaning of the word “love”? Love involves your emotions and feelings. You love some things and some people. Love, ironically enough, gives you both happiness and unhappiness. When your love is fulfilled, you feel happy; when that love is rejected or unrequited, you then feel pain, which becomes the unhappiness. That, unfortunately, is the reality of love.

 

Loving others isn’t that easy; loving yourself is sometimes even harder and more difficulty. That’s also the reality of love.

 

The truth of the matter is that to truly love someone is very difficult, if not impossible, unless you love yourself first. 

 

Self-Acceptance 

 

In a general sense, self-esteem is the positive or negative evaluative perception of self.  It‘s a rating of self, based on a partial assessment of current and/or past traits. Many mental health professionals claim that achieving higher self-esteem is the keystone of good mental health. Such claims, however, are dubious at best.

 

Low self-esteem is self-doubt, often expressed in not asserting oneself in public or at workplace, and not pushing past one’s comfort zones. 

 

To love yourself is self-acceptance, which is accepting who and what you really are—and not who and what you wish you were (that is, your ego-self). It should also be pointed out that “loving yourself” and “loving your ego-self” aren’t quite the same. The former is loving yourself for who you really are despite all your imperfections; the latter involves loving or craving to be the person you wish you were. “Loving yourself” means you can love yourself as well as others, because they aren’t very different from you in that they, too, are as imperfect as you’re. On the other hand, “loving your ego-self” means it’s very difficult for you to love others, because you want to distinguish and separate yourself from others; accordingly, others must somehow satisfy your ego first before you can love them. That explains why if you’ve a big ego-self, you just can’t easily and readily love others. 

 

The bottom line: If you can accept yourself as who and what you really are, then it may become much easier for you to accept and love others as who and what they really are.  

GETTING MARRIED TO MAKE YOU HAPPY?

THE DOS AND DON'T DURING PREGNANCY

 

Stephen Lau, with a pen name, is the author of this book.

A description of the book:

Pregnancy is a nine-month period during which a baby develops and becomes a human being. The mother-to-be and the father-to-be have many dos and don'ts in order to ensure a safe and healthy pregnancy. This book provides not only a list of all the dos and don'ts, but also all the whys and why-nots because as a mother you would like to know why there are certain things you should do and why there are things you should not do to guarantee a safe and healthy pregnancy. This book is concise with a holistic approach to a safe and healthy pregnancy through the mind, the body, and the spirit.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A sample from the book:

The Dos

Do physical checkup first for both you and your partner. (why: to resolve all health issues and problems, e.g. chronic diseases, such as asthma, diabetes, epilepsy, etc.).

Do blood tests to check your immunity to German measles (why: it can cause malformations in the baby) and chicken pox (why: immunization before conception if you have not had it before); to check your antibodies from toxoplasmosis (why: an infection that may affect conception and pregnancy).

Do discuss medical conditions with your doctor: previous pregnancy problems, such as miscarriage, stillbirth, premature baby; genetic disorders in family; current prescribed medications.

Do dental checkup (why: gum diseases may lead to premature birth), and dental work (why: avoiding filling or extraction during pregnancy).

Do weight management (why: overweight may lead to diabetes and high blood pressure during pregnancy; underweight may result in a small baby, problems during labor, and after birth).

Do find out your ideal weight: to determine that, you need to know your height, and weight, as well as your waist size (i.e. your waist circumference between your rib cage and above your belly button). A waistline of 35 inches or more for most women may indicate overweight.

Do find out your Body Mass Index (BMI), which is a measure of your body fat based on your weight and height. Your BMI is determined by this formula: BMI = (body weight in pounds) divided by (body height in inches x body height in inches) multiplied by (703). To illustrate, if you are 5’11” tall and you weigh 165 pounds, your BMI will be: (165/71x71) x 703 = 23   The BMI numbers have the following implications:

Any BMI that falls between 19 and 24.9 is considered ideal and healthy.

Any BMI that is below 18.5 is considered underweight.

Any BMI that ranges from 25 to 29.9 is considered overweight; any BMI that is above 30 is considered obese.

You should be within 15 pounds of your ideal weight before pregnancy, and that also applies to your partner (why: an overweight partner may have decreased testosterone leading to depressed libido).

Do birth control until you are ready for pregnancy. Hormonal contraception may take months for fertility to return to normal. Natural family planning is the way to go.

Do boost nutrients for a healthy pregnancy. Important nutrients include the following: Calcium (why: avoiding back and leg pain, insomnia, and irritability)—eat figs and raw leeks; folic acid (why: avoiding structural defects)—eat chives. Chives are a nutrient-dense food low in calories but high in nutrients. Always use a sharp knife to cut chives (why: avoid bruising the herb), and add chives to any dish near the end of cooking (why: avoid losing its flavor); iron (why: healthy growth of baby)—eat chives; magnesium (why: cellular development; over-coming early pregnancy discomfort, such as constipation)—eat chives; manganese (why: baby’s normal skeletal development)—eat raw leeks; vitamin B6 (why: avoiding nausea and morning sickness; metabolizing proteins, carbohydrates, and fats)—eat raw leeks; vitamin C (why: proper absorption of iron)—eat fresh fruits and vegetables; vitamin K (why: healthy bone growth and proper blood-clot formation)—eat raw leeks.

All the above nutrients and vitamins are especially important not only for pre-pregnancy but also for the first trimester of pregnancy.

Do get sufficient sleep (why: research has shown that the more sleep you get,  the less time of labor may ensue; getting less than 5 hours of sleep may even increase the chance of having a C-section for delivery. Do set a schedule for your sleeping hours to help your body get on a set schedule of sleep. Do go to bed earlier. 

Do take herbs to increase fertility (why: drink clover flower tea and nettle tea to increase female fertility).

Do avoid unpasteurized milk and blue-veined cheeses.

Do cook all your food thoroughly.

Do help your partner to enhance his fertility. According to a Danish study, overweight men have fewer sperms. According to State University of New York, placing laptop computers on laps may decrease sperms (why: due to accumulation of heat). Certain drugs on men’s hair loss, high blood pressure, and ulcers may also affect the quality of sperms. Do increase his intake of folic acid, vitamin C, and zinc to enhance the quality of sperms.

The Don’ts

Don’t start a teenage pregnancy (why not: pregnancy between age 15 and 19 may result in many emotional traumas, such as difficulty in keeping up with peers, financial problems, and health and life challenges).

Don’t contact mold (why not: harmful to fetus, leading to birth defects, such as paralysis, developmental problems, and even miscarriage).

Don’t eat bacteria-harboring foods (why not: increasing the chance of developing food-borne infections during preconception stage and in a developing embryo).

Don’t stress out, develop anxiety or depression in pre-pregnancy stage.

Don’t eat raw, such as sushi, raw clams, and oysters.

Don’t eat undercooked meat and eggs (why not: avoiding bacteria growth; do refrigerate food below 40°F/4°C).

Don’t take certain herbs (why not: some herbs, such as echinacea, ginkgo biloba, and Saint-John’s wort may prevent conception). 

THE DOS AND DON'T DURING PREGNANCY

THE DOS AND DON'T DURING PREGNANCY

THE TAO OF LIVING FOR LIFE

A description of the book:

This book is about the art of living well, which is being in the material world we are all living in, but without being of the world. This daunting and challenging task requires profound human wisdom, which comes from TAO wisdom, the ancient wisdom from Lao Tzu, the ancient sage from China, more than 2,600 years ago. 

Lao Tzu was the author of the immortal classic Tao Te Ching, made up of 81 short chapters of Chinese poetry on human wisdom, one of the most translated books in world literature.

The TAO of Living for Life is based on Stephen Lau's own translated version of Tao Te Ching. Corresponding directly to each short chapter of Tao Te Ching, he explains the meaning of living for life, which is living not just for oneself but also for others as well in order to fully intuit TAO wisdom to become enlightened.

A sample from the book:

ONE: The Creator

“If His ways could be explained or understood,

the Creator would no longer be infinite.

If He had a name or an identity,

the Creator would no longer be eternal.

Being infinite and eternal,

the Creator is the origin of all things.

Once given a name and an identity,

mankind is only the source of all things.

Ever humble, we see the mysteries of all things created.

Ever proud, we see only the manifestations of all things created.

Only the mysteries, and not the manifestations,

show us the Way to true wisdom.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, chapter 1)

In daily living, try not to explain why certain things happen, or do not happen—especially according to your own wish. Instead, obey and trust your Creator. Without that trust and obedience, there is no good communication, and hence no enlightenment.

After all, you are not in control of your own fate and destiny.

If the Creator has no identity, why should you strive to create one for yourself?

An identity is no more than an ego-self that separates and distinguishes you from others—which is essentially pride.

With pride, you see more of yourself and less of others.  

With humility, instead of pride, you may see things quite differently: more of the Creator, and less of yourself.

Live your everyday life not just for yourself, but also for others as well. Live a life of love and compassion to become a better and happier individual, being more connected with others. In any life situation, if you have to choose between “being nice” or “being right”, always choose “being nice.”

THE TAO OF LIVING FOR LIFE

WHY PRAYERS ARE SELDOM ANSWERED

A description of the book:

This book looks at the reasons why prayers are seldom answered; not from the perspectives of Biblical or spiritual wisdom, but from the perspectives of human wisdom, more specifically, from the TAO wisdom, which is the profound wisdom of the ancient sage Lao Tzu from China more than 2,600 years ago. 

Irrespective of whether you pray or not, understanding why prayers are seldom answered may provide a blueprint for your daily life and living in a toxic world so that you may survive and live as if everything is a miracle.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Sample from the book:

What’s a prayer?

Jesus said: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7) Is a prayer just your way of asking for something that you want?

Is it a personal request to the Creator to make something happen or not to happen in your life?

Is it a conversation or communication with the Creator to further develop your relationship with Him?

Is it a way of seeking advice from the Creator to help you deal with your own life’s problems and challenges?

Is it a means of asking the Creator for His blessings you think you may be entitled to?

Or is it none of the above?

How often is a prayer said or offered?

 Before you getting up, and before you going to bed?

 Several times throughout the day, such as before your meals?

While attending a religious service?

Seldom, if ever, unless expressing with your condolences to someone you feel sorry for?

What’s spirituality?

For a believer, spirituality is the inexplicable communication and the subtle relationship with God.

For a non-believer, spirituality is the invisible connection to a Higher Being, who seems to have inexplicable control over certain things in life, such as life and death.

Even for those without a specific religion, they may still have a soul or spirit, because their spirituality is their own conscience that intuitively tells them what’s right and wrong, and not just following the laws and orders of their country. 

In many ways, spirituality is like a shadow that follows us: sometimes we see more of it, and sometimes we see less of it; but it’s always there, following us wherever we go, whether we like it or not. Spirituality is forever present whenever we focus less on ourselves and more on others all the time.

WHY PRAYERS ARE SELDOM ANSWERED

WHY PRAYERS ARE SELDOM ANSWERED

BOOK OF AGING AND REVELATION

 A description of the book:

Aging begins as early as late twenties or early thirties, and accelerates as time progresses. Aging causes many problems leading to pain and suffering, and ultimately death. Successful aging requires living in reality.

Unfortunately, many are living in fancy and fantasy, but not in reality. Why not? It is because many commit sins and do evils, thinking they can get away without any accountability as long as they do not break the law and order of their countries. 

BOOK OF AGING AND REVELATION provides spiritual wisdom for a non-believer to become a believer in order to cope and deal with all the problems of aging. Yes, aging brings about death, but the revelation of aging is eternal salvation.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

A sample from the book:

Reflections

Now, as your aging continues, what is your own take on “anything is everything”?

If you were the man in the tragic car rage, would you have fired the gunshot? If you were the woman, would you have honked back that resulted in the death of your grandson?

If you had lots of money, would you have become involved in college admission cheating scandal to get yourself or your children into an elite school or college? 

Looking back into your past, had you done something improper, if not illegal, because of your belief that something was everything to you then?

Revelation

In many ways, many of us are just like a frog in a well, looking up at the limited sky above, in that we see only ourselves, and no one else, and therefore anything is everything to us. In other words, we see only our own needs and desires that must be fulfilled and gratified no matter how, but without seeing the same needs and desires of others.

Just like the man in the car rage who saw only his own need to get going, but without even considering why the woman might be stalling her car at the stop sign and not moving ahead right away. As a result, he fired his gun at the woman's car and accidentally killed her grandson sitting at the back of her car.

Just like the Chinese couple who saw only their own desire to get their two sons into Harvard University, but without considering that their “improper action” of using her money to get her two sons into Harvard University might also deprive the opportunity of two other students to get into Harvard University.

These two examples above also illustrate another basic but major human flaw—the “inflated” ego-self, focusing too much on “anything is everything” related to an individual’s ego-self.

“Anything is everything” exemplifies the sins and evils of man. If you want the money you do not have, you just go and rob the bank. If you lust for someone, you just go and commit adultery. If someone aggravates and insults you, you just go and shoot your gun. Not living in reality is committing sins and evils with no accountability and thinking of only yourself.

But revelation of aging may now show you that you are created to be in this world for only one purpose: to be your true self, and not someone with an inflated ego. Conventional wisdom may tell you to find your role model, pursue your life goals based on that role model. Subconsciously, you may begin to dream that you are that role model or someone else that you are not. That is not living in reality, just as you think that going to Harvard University is everything to you because it guarantees success in anything in your life.

Probably, like everybody else, you might have done many similar things in the past due to your sin of pride and not living in reality when you were young.

Now, in your advanced years, you may want to be the frog that jumps out of the well to see anything and everything totally different, and that is revelation of your aging. So, let go of your pride or your ego to see yourself re-connected with others. According to the law of nature, what you do to others, you also do to yourself.

BOOK OF AGING AND REVELATION

HOW TO BECOME A BELIEVER

A description of the book:

This book shows you why and how you should become a believer in order to live in reality.

You are living in a world of infinite information distributed through multiple media. Unfortunately, some of the information can be biased, distorted, and misinterpreted. As a result, you may have become misinformed, and thus negatively affecting how you think and what you believe.

The purpose of this book is to separate the truths from the half-truths or the myths; that is, separating the sheep from the goats. Why is this important? Because “living in reality” holds the key to not only living as if everything is a miracle but also to surviving and thriving in a material world with too many attractions and distractions.

A sample from the book:

Living in Reality

What is “living in reality”? If “living in reality” can be summarized in just one word, that word is “accountability.”

Then, what is “accountability”?

“Accountability” is the responsibility of an individual for the thinking and the decision, as well as the action or the inaction, of that individual, regardless of the circumstances. The accountability can be mental, physical, and even spiritual.

A simple illustration

You were one of the last two persons at a bar. You were sitting close to each other. The person finished his drink and left the bar, leaving some cash for the bartender, who, at that moment, was away with your credit card. You grabbed the tip left on the table by the man who had just left, and then placed it toward you. The bartender returned with your credit card, looked at the money right in front of you, and said: “Thank you.”

Did you do anything wrong?

If you had intended not to give the bartender any tip anyway, what you did had not changed the scenario—the bartender would still have said: “Thank you” with or without your tip, and she would have received the same amount of tip.

What is important in that hypothetical illustration is the accountability.

The reality of one minor misbehavior with no accountability will often lead to many more serious ones with no accountability.

The “no-accountability“ mindset

In this world, many have developed their own “no accountability” mindset based on their own beliefs, their own justifications, and their own rationalizations. They simply have no accountability to the law and order, not to mention to God.

HOW TO BECOME A BELIEVER

EVERYDAY AMERICAN IDIOMS FOR ESL LEARNERS

 Here are some common American idioms:

Add insult to injury: make it more harmful or even worse.

e.g. Your statement is negative enough; please don’t add insult to injury.

e.g. The project is already running out of time. Lack of funding only adds insult to injury.

Alive and kicking: alive and full of energy.

e.g. “How is he doing after the accident?” “Very much alive and kicking!”

All in all: all things considered; on the whole.

e.g. The project was all in all a success, despite some problems in the beginning.

All intents and purposes: practically; virtually.

e.g. To all intents and purposes, the manager’s speech was asking all the residents to look for another senior housing elsewhere, given that the property will soon be auctioned.

All moonshine: all nonsense.

e.g. His talk was all moonshine; I don’t believe a word of it.

All the rage: very fashionable suddenly.

e.g. Red is all the rage this summer for women’s fashion.

And all that: and the rest of it (usually suggesting something negative or unpleasant).

e.g. The manager does not like him because he is always late, he is not competent, and all that.

Ask for trouble: do what will bring difficulties and problems.

e.g. If you do what I tell you not to do, you are asking for trouble.

Save one’s bacon: keep oneself from physical harm.

e.g. To save your bacon, don’t go near the volcano, if I were you.

Benefit of the doubt: assumption that one is not guilty.

e.g. He said he didn’t take the money; well, I believe him, giving him the benefit of the doubt.

At best: if the best happens. 

e.g. He has worked so hard to advance his career; at best, he will become the CEO of the company.

Better half: wife.

e.g. Here comes my better half!

Big noise: an important and influential person.

e.g. He is a big noise in the Congress. Maybe one day he will be the president elect.

Too big for his boots: too self-important.

e.g. He has a swelled head—just too big for his boots!

Bitter pillow: unpleasant experience.

e.g. I understand that to be out of employment is a bitter pillow to swallow.

Black as thunder: an angry facial expression.

e.g. Your face is as black as thunder! What’s wrong?

Bold as brass: extremely rude and impudent.

e.g. The way he asked the question was as bold as brass.

I’ll be bound: I am very certain.

e.g. I’ll be bound he will win the election.

In the buff: naked.

e.g. We were all shocked when he came out of the room in the buff.

Burning question: matter of controversy.

e.g. To start the project is easy, but the burning question is where to get the fund.

Chop and change: change too often.

e.g. Don’t chop and change; stick to what you really believe in.

Butter up a person: flatter and praise a person insincerely.

e.g. o were just trying to butter up your boss with those remarks.

In the clouds: daydreaming.

e.g. He is always in the clouds, not a very practical person.

Buttonhole a person: go up to a person and engage his or her attention

e.g. Now is the time to buttonhole my boss and explain your proposal.

Go and get your copy: EVERYDAY AMERICAN IDIOMS FOR ESL LEARNERS