Ny "Angry No More" Commands

 MY “ANGRY NO MORE” COMMANDS

As I continue to grow older, I often look back into my past to find out how and why I can become “angry no more” through my daily "commands" to myself:

1. My “Thinkfulness” Command

On waking up every morning, my first command and instruction to myself is “thinkfulness”, which is thinking of thankfulness that I’ve survived yet another day. My mind is filled with thoughts of what I should thank the Lord for—giving me another day.

2. My “Complaint” Command

Throughout the day, I try to catch myself mentally complaining about anything, especially related to my thriving, such as the obstacles in my anticipated achievement. By not complaining, I try to avoid putting my mind in a state of unconsciousness that creates negative energy and denial of the present moment. If I’m still complaining, I’m in fact saying: “I can’t accept what is, and I’m a victim of the present situation.” Understandably, in the present moment, I’ve only three options in any situation that I’m complaining about: get away from the situation; change the situation; and accept the situation as it is.

I ask the Lord to speak to me and let me listen. Then, I’ll command myself to act accordingly. Acting, taking no action, or accepting the situation—I pray for the Lord to take away my fear, my regret, and my negativity.

3. My “Stress” Command 

Stress is inevitable in everybody’s life, including mine, especially while growing older. With that realization, I’ve learned to command myself to re-focus more on the present, and less on the future. Without any timeline for my goals, I’ve learned to enjoy doing anything without thinking of the consequence.

4. My “Past” Command

In my life, I’ve made many mistakes that might have changed my life—maybe for the worse, or maybe not. Who knows? And who cares? After all, the Lord is in control of my life. Right now, I’m where He has destined for me. I never let the past take up my attention. I don’t let my thinking process create any anger, guilt, pride, regret, resentment, or self-pity. But, just like everybody else, I might still have my own negative feelings and emotions, but they never last too long. I believe that if I allow those thoughts of mine to control me, I’d look much older than my calendar age, and, worse, create a false sense of self. Reminiscing what was good in the past would only intensify my desire to “repeat” a similar experience in the future, and thus creating an insatiable longing that may never be fulfilled. Remembering what was unpleasant in the past would only generate my own emotions of remorse and unhappiness.   So, I just walk with the Lord, and command myself to let my bygones be bygones.

5. My “Present” Command

To me, living in the present holds the key to stopping my mind from processing my past and my future thoughts, which is the instinctive and automatic output of my mental process. My mind is cruel and demanding, such that I may easily become its slaves, doing whatever it commands and demands me to do without even being consciously aware of it. So, the only way to free myself from that invisible bondage is to live in the now, even though just for a short while. Living in the now changes my mind for the better: it cherishes my mental clarity, my deep insight, and my internal peace. Living in the now has become a strong tool for my mental self-control. So, I command my daily mindfulness to make me live in the now with the Lord’s Presence in my mind.

6. My “Future” Command

As I grow older, I acknowledge that I’ve the propensity to identify myself with my thinking mind, projected into the future with imaginary images of myself living in a nursing home, being totally disabled, and thus creating my own imaginary anxiety, fear, and worry. But I’ve also learned that the projected future is unreal because it doesn’t exist. It becomes real only when it happens—but not before or even after it. So, waiting for the future is only my state of mind: I want the future, but not the present; I don’t want what  I’ve already got, but I want what I haven’t got yet. So, I command myself to acknowledge my present reality—who I am, where I am, what I am doing with my life. My daily acknowledgement is my obedience to the Lord.

7. My “Misfortune” Command

Life won’t be wholesome without misfortunes and tragedies, which enable my appreciation of what life has to offer. There is a Chinese saying: “A man’s destiny can’t be summarized and sealed until nails are put on his coffin’s top.” So, I command myself to trust what the Lord has destined for me until the last day of my life on earth. Anyway, I wouldn’t be the person putting the nails on my coffin’s top.

8. My “Right Conduct” Command

Right conduct is living in the right way, which is more than “not breaking the law.” To be right with the Lord is to do all the right and the righteous things in my life through the Holy Spirit, instead of through my mind in my flesh. So, every day I command myself to turn to the Holy Spirit for help.

9. My “Failure” Command 

Life is full of failures, big and small. But they shouldn’t have become the stumbling blocks in my life journey. For example, I failed as an antique shop owner when I set up my retail antique business; I still have many of the antiques that I like, but I couldn’t find enough customers for my business to survive. Also, I failed as an entrepreneur when I bought a franchised cleaning business; I’d problems finding workers and ended up doing the cleaning myself. I always look upon my past failures with positive attributes: a lesson of humility to show my own limitation and inadequacy; a lesson of never getting what I want in my life; a lesson of strengthening my character; a lesson of perseverance and survival from failures. If I’d succeeded in my previous endeavors, I’d have embarked on a totally different life journey heading toward a totally different direction. Would I really have been better off or worse off? Who knows, and who cares? I never ponder on the “might have” or the “would have” scenarios. In addition, I often recall what Bill Gates said: “Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.” So, I command myself to follow the Lord as my Shepherd.

10. My “Life Purpose” Command

I understand that life must have a purpose: an external as well as an internal purpose.

I realize that in life setting an external purpose is important, but not so important that it drives me crazy in pursuing it or giving it up altogether. As a matter of fact, there’s an external purpose that only sets me a direction for the destination of my life. In that direction, there’re many different signposts guiding me along the way. Arriving at one signpost simply means that I’ve accomplished one task; missing that signpost means that I’m still on the right path but simply taking maybe a detour or just longer time because of my misdirection or getting lost on the way.

My internal purpose is more important: it has nothing to do with arriving at my destination or not, but to do with the quality of my consciousness—what I’m doing along the way. That Jesus said: “gain the world and lose your soul” probably says everything there’s to say about the internal purpose of life for me. External purpose can never give lasting fulfillment in life due to its transience and impermanence, but internal purpose, because of its unique quality of being in the present moment, may give me inner joy and a sense of fulfillment. That’s how I feel about my internal life purpose.

No matter what I do in my life, I just command myself to do my very best.

Stephen Lau

Author of Angry No More

 

for the Lord to take away my fear, my regret, and my negativity.

 

3. My “Stress” Command

 

     Stress is inevitable in everybody’s life, including mine, especially while growing older.

  While working on my book, I often focus too much on the future and forget about the present. My mind may easily become preoccupied with getting to the next chapter or the completion of that book, such that I easily forget about the present. I realize that my stress is due to my “being here” but “wanting to be there.”

 With that realization, I’ve learned to command myself to re-focus more on the present, and less on the future. Without any timeline for my writing, I’ve learned to enjoy my writing and the writing process without thinking of the consequence.

 

4. My “Past” Command

 

     In my life, I’ve made many mistakes that might have changed my life—maybe for the worse, or maybe not. Who knows? And who cares? After all, the Lord is in control of my life. Right now, I’m where He has destined for me.

     I never let the past take up my attention. I don’t let my thinking process create any anger, guilt, pride, regret, resentment, or self-pity. But, just like everybody else, I might still have my own negative feelings and emotions, but they never last too long. I believe that if I allow those thoughts of mine to control me, I’d look much older than my calendar age, and, worse, create a false sense of self.

     Reminiscing what was good in the past would only intensify my desire to “repeat” a similar experience in the future, and thus creating an insatiable

 longing that may never be fulfilled. Remembering what was unpleasant in the past would only generate my emotions of remorse and unhappiness.