My INGREDIENTS of MY RECIPE OF MY DAILY LIVING FOR LIFE

The “Complaint” Ingredient

How I deal with my complaints

In my daily life, I always try to catch myself complaining about anything, such as the weather—whether I am making a comment or just thinking a thought about the weather. By not complaining, I try to avoid putting my mind in a state of unconsciousness that often creates negative energy and denial of the present moment. When I am complaining, I am in fact saying: “I cannot accept what is, and I am a victim of the present situation.” Understandably, in the present moment, we all have only three options in any situation that we are complaining about: get away from the situation; change the situation;  and accept the situation as it is.

If I want to take any action—whether it is getting away or changing the situation—I try my best to remove any negativity first and foremost.

If it is my decision to take no action, I honestly ask myself if it is fear that stands in my way of taking any action: I tell myself that any action is often better than no action. Staying in the present moment does the mental trick of controlling my thoughts: focusing my mind on the present moment, and looking objectively at the fear that may be holding me back from taking any action, without letting fear get into my subconscious mind to create any negativity.

If, after much deliberation, I still decide to take no action, then I accept it fully and consciously, with no regret and no “should have” or “might have” because the whole episode now belongs to the past and is no longer "real" for me. It is important for me not to experience any inner conflict, resistance, or negativity in the mental process of deciding to take no action.

The “Stress” Ingredient

How I deal with my stress

Stress is inevitable in contemporary living. My wife used to complain that I stressed her, and my spontaneous reply was: “If I don’t stress you, something or somebody would stress you. Just learn to cope with it!” Yes, everybody has to cope with stress, and not to deal with the stressor.

Awareness and concentration are important ingredients in mental clarity and relaxation to de-stress the mind.

The “Past” Ingredient

How I deal with my past

In my life, I have made many mistakes, which have changed my life—maybe for the worse, or maybe not. Who knows? And who cares?

I never let my past take up my attention. I do not let my thinking process create any anger, guilt, pride, regret, resentment, or self-pity. Like everybody else, I do have these negative feelings and emotions, but they do not last long. I believe that if I allow these thoughts of mine to control me, I would look much older than my calendar age, and, worse, create a false sense of self. 

Reminiscing what was good in my past would only intensify my desire to repeat such an experience in the future, and thus creating an insatiable longing that may never be fulfilled. To recall what was unpleasant in my past would generate my feelings of remorse and unhappiness. What is the use? I just let my bygones be my bygones. In my mind, there is no such thing as ”what if.”

The “Present” Ingredient

How I try to live in the NOW

To me, living in the present holds the key to stopping my mind from processing my past and my future thoughts, which is an instinctive and automatic output of my mental process.

The human mind is cruel and demanding, such that we easily become its slave, doing whatever it commands us to do without even being consciously aware of it. So, the only way to free myself from that invisible bondage is to live in the now, even though just for a short while. Living in the now changes my mind for the better. Living in the now is my mental state that cherishes my mental clarity, my loving compassion, my deep insight, and my internal peace; it is a strong tool for my mental self-control.

Yes, my mindfulness is my mental practice that can be performed anytime and anywhere. It is like my daily mini-meditation.

The “Future” Ingredient

How I stop myself from worrying about my future

To me, the solution to worrying is to stop identifying myself with my mind, which is forever projecting itself into the future, creating imaginary images of myself living in a nursing home, being totally disabled, and thus creating my imaginary fear. I have learned that the projected future is "unreal" because it does not exist. It is real only when it happens. I just have to learn to cope with the present moment, and not with the future—not before, and not after.

Waiting is a state of mind. I have learned to acknowledge my present reality—where I am, who I am, what I am doing with my life. 

The “Misfortune” Ingredient 

How I accept and embrace my tragedies

Misfortune is an ingredient that one needs to blend with the rest of the ingredients. My life will not be wholesome without my tragedies, which enable me to appreciate more what my life has to offer.

The “Right Conduct” Ingredient 

How I try to do all the right and righteous things

I believe that the art of living well is no more than acting in the right way and living in the right way. Right conduct is tantamount to asking the question: “How should one live in the right and righteous way?”—the question asked by many ancient Western philosophers, such as Aristotle, Plato and Socrates. There is no definitive answer.

The “Failure” Ingredient

How I deal with my failures in my life

The path of living is strewn with many failures, big and small. But they should not become the stumbling blocks in any life journey. Like everybody else, I have met my many failures: I failed as an antique shop owner when I set up my retail business, and as an entrepreneur when I bought a franchised cleaning business.

I look upon all my past failures with positive attributes: a lesson of humility to show my own limitation and inadequacy; a lesson that I may never get what I want in my life; a lesson to strengthen my character as a human being; a lesson to learn about perseverance and survival from my failures.

If I had succeeded in all my past endeavors, I would have embarked on a totally different life journey heading towards a totally different direction. Would I really have been better off or worse off? Who knows, and who cares? I never ponder on the “might have” or the “would have” scenarios.

The “Life Purpose” Ingredient 

How I look at my external and internal life purpose

I understand that life must have a purpose, or, more specifically, an external as well as an internal purpose.

I realize that in life setting a purpose is important, but not so important that it drives you crazy in pursuing it or giving it up altogether. As a matter of fact, my external purpose only sets me a direction for the destination of my life. In that direction, there are many different signposts guiding me along the way. Arriving at one signpost simply means that I have accomplished one task; missing that signpost means that I am still on the right path but simply taking maybe a detour or just longer time because of misdirection or getting lost on the way. 

My internal purpose is more important: it has nothing to do with arriving at my destination, but to do with the "quality" of my consciousness—what I am doing along the way.

That Jesus said: “gain the world and lose your soul” probably said everything there is to say about the internal purpose of life for any individual.

No matter what you do in your life, just do your very best and do it well, no matter how insignificant they may be.  I always tell myself to try doing everything as if God had called upon me at that particular moment to do it. Of course, admittedly, it is not always that easy, given that the human mind may be troubled by the ego-self, by invasive and unwanted thoughts from the past or by projections of those thoughts into the future. But having the mindset with the right intention is already the first step or breakthrough for me.

I understand that I have three options in whatever I have been called to do: do it; not to do it; and do it while enjoying the present moment of doing it. 

The “Death” Ingredient 

How I look at my death

I am now closer to the end rather than to the beginning of my lifespan. The thought of dying and death has become more and more real with each day passing. I have come to believe that most elderly people have similar experience. If I could ask but one question about the future, it would be: “How am I going to die?” and not “When am I going to die?”

I wouldn’t want to know about the when. To me, time is not a big factor. My desire to know the “how” is just out of plain curiosity. Anyway, they are just hypothetical questions without any answer.

In life, we all ask many different questions, some of which are practical, some hypothetical, and some without an answer. To many, living is a search for an answer to many of the unanswerable questions in life.

So, stop looking for an answer to every question asked, but continue to ask, and just live if there were no tomorrow.

Stephen Lau

Author, The Book of Life and Living

Books by Stephen Lau

 

YOUR DEATH AND YOUR DESTINATION

The Book Description:

This is my last book, and I think my “best book” to date.

Of course, most authors think that their current publication being their “best” so far. But I think that this is my “best book” because I earnestly believe that I was “inspired” to write it.

Many months ago, I started to notice my inspiration when I was sleeping. Unlike some writers who’re more creative at dark hours, I never wrote anything at night due to my poor vision. But many new ideas just popped up into my nightly dreams as if someone was speaking to me while I was sleeping, telling me what to write and what not to write. My bursts of inspiration continued for many months, and during some nights I even woke up and had to jot down some key points before I could go back to sleep again.

I noticed that my inspiration also began to happen during the daytime. Sometimes as soon as I turned on the television or switched the channel I was watching, I became instantly inspired by a word or a phrase that was said at that very moment. I believed that God was inspiring me. So, through my daily prayers, I also began to ask God to continue to inspire my writing.

When I began to tell those close to me that I was writing a book on “your death”, their immediate response was: “How gross!”

If my book were to focus on “how” you’re going to die, it could indeed be “gross” because you’re living in a world rampant with natural disasters and physical violence. But my book focuses on your “positive” aspects of living before you die: WHO you can become—a person of love and connection with others; HOW you can live longer—if you wish to extend your existence; WHAT you can do with yourself—before you exit from this world; WHERE you will go when you actually die—somewhere or nowhere.

Your “death and dying” is a fact of your life—not something “gross” to avoid or to talk about.

This is my last book because I’m growing older. If I continue to survive, I’ll spend the rest of my life reviewing and revising some of my books published decades ago.

Stephen Lau

A Sample from the Book:

Your exit from this world is concurrently your arrival at your destination.

So, what will happen next?

Nothing! The death of both your body and your soul will continue at your destination until the Second Coming of Jesus Christ.

Then, what does the Bible say about: What happens when you die?

The right and the righteous do not go to heaven, nor do the evil and the wicked end up in hell. All humans, with their bodies and their souls, die without any consciousness. It’s an erroneous interpretation of the Bible that leads many to believe that the good will “immediately” go to Paradise to be with God.

“When Jesus said to the thief crucified on the cross alongside with Him: ‘Truly, I tell you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.’” Luke 23:43

The actual Greek text of the above had NO comma: which means: “today I tell you”, and NOT “today you will be with Me in Paradise.” So, Jesus did not mean that the thief would be with Him in Paradise on that same day of crucifixion.

Even according to the Gospel of John, souls don’t go to heaven right away when the bodies die.

“No one has ascended to heaven but He who came down from heaven, that is, the Son of Man who is in heaven.” John 3:13

So, when do the right and the righteous ones go to heaven?

According to the Bible, all the dead—the good and the bad, the right as well as the unrighteous—will remain dead until their resurrection on Jesus’ Second Coming. But when? Nobody knows, except God the Father. All the resurrected will then be judged according to their deeds on earth.

 “God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

“Those who have done good will rise to live, and those who have done evil will rise to be condemned.” John 5:29

YOUR JUDGMENT

Like everybody else, you’ll be judged after your resurrection. To face your judgment, you’ll need to show WHO you were while you were living in the world, WHAT you had done before your exit from your life, and WHO you had now become on your arrival at your destination.

YOUR DEATH AND YOUR DESTINATION

DISBELIEF AND UNBELIEF

 A description of the book:

The objective of this book is to help any unbeliever to find God, as well as to believe in the disbelief of salvation.

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A sample from the book:

SPIRITUAL WISDOM

Human wisdom is limited, incomplete, and inadequate, while spiritual wisdom is eternal, enlightening, and life changing.

So, seek spiritual wisdom to overcome any unbelief.

Even Lao Tzu, the ancient sage from China, believes that the desire to seek the wisdom of the Creator begins with discovery of true self and understanding of true human nature:

 

“The ancient prophets follow the Way to the Creator,

the Way to rediscover our true nature,

which is being one with the Creator.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 21)

Spirituality

Are we spiritual?

We are now living in a secular society, where science is the dominant religion. As a result, nowadays, many people do not believe in the existence of God. However, despite the absence of God in their lives, spirituality may still be present in the hearts of many.

The explanation is that they may still believe they have a soul, through which an unfathomable spirit can still provide the mind of an individual with direction, guidance, and understanding.

So, for any individual believing the presence of a soul, the soul then provides access to self-intuition.

For those who believe in God, the soul is the connection of man to God. This inexplicable connection is a line of spiritual communication in the form of prayers, moments of self-awakening, divine inspiration, and spiritual wisdom.

For those who do not have a specific religion, but still believe in the control of a Being greater than themselves, the spirit is the deep understanding of the inexplicable control and the natural cycle of all things—that is, certain things in human life are beyond human control and understanding; certain things always follow a natural cycle or order, such as life is inevitably followed by death.

For those who are non-believers, but still decent human beings, the spirit is the conscience that can tell them what is right and wrong, and not just following the law and order of their countries.

So, in different ways, we all have a spirit of some sort, although some of us may separate ourselves from it, either consciously or subconsciously.

The human spirit is like a shadow of ourselves: sometimes we see more of it, and sometimes we see less of it, but it is always within us, part and parcel of our being, forever following us wherever we go, whether we like it or not.

The Many Paradoxes

What is a paradox

A paradox is a statement with two totally opposite meanings that may seem contradictory to each other and yet together they not only are true but also make sense.

Believing in God has many paradoxes: the Creator becomes a creature; the Infinite becomes finite; the Eternal One enters time; and death is the way to life. These are some of the paradoxes expressed in the Holy Bible.

The presence of God is one of the many paradoxes of life. Indeed, sometimes we see God’s love, mercy, and justice, but there are also times we see only His indifference, condemnation, and even injustice. In fact, there are many times we are prone to asking the pivotal question: “Where is God?”

So, how do we explain this enigma and the paradox of God’s presence in human lives?

But spiritual wisdom may provide some explanation to the many paradoxes in human life.

 DISBELIEF AND UNBELIEF

BOOK OF AGING AND REVELATION

A description of the book:

Aging begins as early as late twenties or early thirties, and accelerates as time progresses. Aging causes many problems leading to pain and suffering, and ultimately death. Successful aging requires living in reality.

Unfortunately, many are living in fancy and fantasy, but not in reality. Why not? It is because many commit sins and do evils, thinking they can get away without any accountability as long as they do not break the law and order of their countries. 

BOOK OF AGING AND REVELATION provides spiritual wisdom for a non-believer to become a believer in order to cope and deal with all the problems of aging. Yes, aging brings about death, but the revelation of aging is eternal salvation.

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A sample from the book:

Some of the Myths and the Truths about Aging

You inevitably feel much older as you advance in years. Quite the contrary, according to a 2009 Pew Research survey, many seniors feel that they are as many as 10 to19 years younger, not older, than their chronological age.

Dementia is inevitable in your life. But dementia is only one of the many symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease. If you do not have the disease, you may only have some senior moments, which are just momentary memory lapses. Use it or lose it. If you use and exercise your brain on a regular basis, you will have fewer senior moments. Of course, if you do have the Alzheimer’s disease, then it is something else.

You can no longer exercise your body and mind as you continue to advance in your age, reaching your 50s, 60s, and beyond.  Nothing is further from the truth than this. It is never too late to exercise, despite your aches and pains. As a matter of fact, immobility only aggravates muscle weakness and inflexibility, and thus creating a vicious circle of inactivity and pain.

If you think you are too old to give up your nicotine, think again! Research studies have indicated that most seniors are able to give up their lifelong habit of smoking in their senior years.

You can never teach an old dog new tricks. Scientists have found that the cognitive reserve in the human brain enables learning new things in the latter half of life. Whether or not you wish to continue to empower yourself with new knowledge in your senior years is your personal choice, and it has little to do with your mind power or your age.

Women in senior years are more likely to develop depression than men. According to National Women’s Health Resources, many women in their senior years become more adventurous and more ready to look for new opportunities in life than men do. It is also a myth that depression will impair an aging body and mind. The truth of the matter is that depression is a treatable medical condition. So, do not stigmatize yourself

BOOK OF AGING AND REVELATION

Books About FAITH

 Stephen Lau's books about FAITH:

How to become a believer is not easy because we are living in a world with happenings that are unbelievable. If God exists and is in control of this world, then how could He let those things happen?

29 SMART STEPS TO TEACH YOUR SMART KID TO READ

 A Reflection of the Author: 

Like all proud parents, I have always taken pride in my daughter’s remarkable intellectual accomplishment: she became a proficient reader well before she turned four. Friends and relatives often asked me the hard-to-answer question: “How old was she when you started teaching her to read?” I used to say casually, “When she was about three years old.” Now, as I look back over the years of her intellectual development (she is now an attorney), I am more inclined to say that I began unwittingly teaching her reading strategies at a much younger age than that.

Most parents, I am sure, are keen on helping their children learn to read; and all teachers, who are responsible for the literacy of children, want their pupils to be able to read and write. Some children hardly need any reading lesson and they learn how to read before going to pre-school; others progress slowly but steadily; unfortunately, an alarming number of them remain illiterate all their lives. Whether or not children become early readers is not as important as that they eventually become proficient readers.

In this book, I aim at sharing with parents my own experience of teaching my daughter to read through daily activities and games. I began teaching my daughter to read when she was just a few months old, and she became a proficient reader when she just turned three. I was proud of that, and I am still proud of it when I look back at what I achieved some three decades ago—especially, how being a proficient reader has helped her career as a lawyer.

This book is based on my past experience of teaching my daughter reading through activities and games.  It shows step-by-step how children can learn effectively and progressively the fundamental skills of reading and writing through everyday activities and interactions. There are altogether 29 steps, and each step, reinforced by activities and games, maintains positive motivation, without which everything that parents do to further reading progress is likely to have only limited success. However, these activities and games are meant to serve only as guidelines and, at best, stepping-stones for parents to develop their own activities and games to suit the needs of each individual child; parents should always try to become as creative as possible in their approach in order to reap the best results.

Stephen Lau

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A sample from the book

Developing Thinking

At the beginning of the seventh or eighth month, your child should be able to act on an object to create a given effect. Your child is beginning to understand the relationship between cause and effect. Show your child how a certain action will create a certain expected result. It should be apparent that your child expects the effect and that the effect is the main motive for his or her action.

Show your child how he or she can overcome an obstacle to get what he or she wants by thinking.

ACTIVIVITIES  &       GAMES

Acquiring an object by overcoming an obstacle

Show your child how he or she can reach a toy by moving around an object, such as climbing under or moving around a table.

Acquiring an object with the aid of tools

Show your child how he or she can acquire an object by pulling one end of a piece of string or cloth. Your child should be taught and trained to use his or her thinking to get what he or she wants.

These are important first steps to develop the thinking of your smart kid.

Go and get your copy: 29 STEPS TO TEACH YOUR SMART KID TO READ.

 

ENGLISH WORDS FREQUENTLY CONFUSED AND MISUSED

In English, there are many words which look similar, but they are different in meaning. Some of the words that are frequently confused and misused are as follows:

 STUDIO / STUDIOUS

 

Studio: a place where pictures are taken, or films are made.

 

e.g. The film was made in a Hollywood studio.

 

Studious: fond of study; careful and thoughtful.

 

e.g. To MELLOW / MELODIOUS

be a good scientist, you must be studious.

 

Mellow: mature; soft and pure; rich and full.

 

e.g. As he continues to age, he become more mellow and compassionate.

 

Melodious: tuneful; pleasant to the ear.

 

e.g. He voice is melodious; he should take up singin

 

PERISHABLE / PERISHING

 

Perishable: liable to die quickly.

 

e.g. Fresh vegetables are perishable; put them in the refrigerator.

 

Perishing: causing suffering.

 

e.g. Negative thinking may cause perishing emotions and thoughts.

 

SEDATIVE / SEDENTARY

 

Sedative: calming or soothing.

 

e.g. The doctor gave her some sedative medicine to put her to sleep..

 

Sedentary: accustomed to sitting; physically inactive.

 

e.g His sedentary work -- sitting in front of the computer -- took a toll on his health.

 

e.g. Avoid a sedentary lifestyle even if you are approaching 60..

 

GENTEEL / GENTLE

 

Genteel: well-bred, polite; imitating the lifestyle of the rich.

 

e.g. Your friend is genteel. Is he very rich?

 

e.g. All along he has been living in genteel poverty. He is not practical.

 

Gentle: kind, friendly, mild.

 

e.g. Be gentle to my puppy.

 

DISPOSABLE / INDISPOSED

 

Disposable: cant be removed or got rid of.

 

e.g. This machine is disposable; we can do without it

 

Indisposed: not feeling well; unwilling to

 

e.g. You look indisposed. Is there something wrong with you?

 

e.g. Many people are indisposed to working on weekends.

 

TERMINABLE / TERMINAL

 

Terminable: can be ended.

 

e.g. Your employment is only temporary and terminable at any time.

 

Terminal: at the end.

 

e.g. The doctor told him that he had terminal cancer.

 

DECORATIVE / DECOROUS

 

Decorative: having an artistic or showy effect.

 

e.g. The ballroom with all the ribbons and flowers are very decorative.

 

Decorous: showing good taste.

 

e.g. The Princess looks decorous in that simple but beautiful dress.

 

ENGLISH WORDS FREQUENTLY CONFUSED AND MISUSED